Review and Revise

A few weeks ago, I took the plunge and posted two stories to BookCountry: the first draft Whiskers and Wings (my NaNoWriMo 2008 story), and the first six chapters of Raven’s Shadow, my current work-in-progress.

BookCountry is a relatively new online community for writers. It has a lot of great features, including discussion boards and articles about the craft and business of writing. The biggest thing, though, is the ability to share and critique work. Critiquing is emphasized; you’re required to give feedback on three works before you can post your own. I know I needed that kick in the pants to force me to read first! And I’m glad I did. It’s enlightening to read and give feedback on someone else’s work — you can see areas that you maybe need to work on, yourself. Plus, it feels good to help out a fellow writer.

But of course, what we really want is feedback on our own work. Once I’d done my three reviews, I posted my stories. And then I waited.

After a week and a half of biting my nails, I got my first review! I was so excited when I saw it. Someone had read and given me feedback on my work! Both excited and more than a little nervous, I clicked to read it.

The review was from RJ Blain on Raven’s Shadow. I’ll say right now that it was a great review. I don’t mean that it was all glowing and positive and showering praise. I mean that it gave me a ton of really valuable feedback.

When you post a story for review on BC, you select two specific areas you want feedback on, in addition to general feedback. I asked for comments on pacing and voice, two areas I’ve been concerned about in my writing. I can’t judge either myself; I’m too close to the story. RJ’s comments were incredibly helpful. The voice, she said, was consistent and good — “promising” was one of the words she used, which made me happy! It needs some work still, obviously, but for now I can live with that. Pacing is where she really helped me out. The story dragged in places. The tension died too quickly. Things were wrapped up in nice, neat bows, leaving no suspense. And the scene with the future roommate seemed unnecessary.

The review gave me a lot to think about! Having those issues pointed out to me, I could see them myself. It was obvious I needed to do some rework on those first several chapters — and I need to do it before moving on, because it would seriously affect the rest of the story.

The biggest fix I made was changing the timeline: in the first draft, Allison was looking for a roommate; in the new draft, the roommate (Lia) moves in in the second chapter. As a result, Lia is fully integrated right from the start. That takes out some of the biggest draggy pieces of the first draft. I made a few other changes, too. I wound up taking out paragraphs, sections, and even an entire chapter, and doing a lot of new writing. The end result is a new draft that feels much firmer; it will give me a good foundation to build the rest of the story. Hurrah!

I’m thrilled with the experience. It was a bit nerve-wracking to have someone I don’t know reviewing my work, but it really helped. I’m hoping to get more reviews that will help me as I go!

Dollars and Sense

The other day, a conversation with some coworkers turned to the topic of professional athletes and money. Apparently rookies in the NFL are required to attend a week-long financial management seminar. It makes sense; they’re fresh out of college, suddenly making boatloads of money, and they’re in jobs that could be end in severe injury at any moment. If anyone needs advice about smart investing, saving, and spending, it’s them.

The truth, though, is that we all need that kind of advice. Money isn’t an easy thing. We know we need it; we like having it; and most of us like spending it. Get more complicated than that, and a lot of us are lost.

Let me get more specific: I get lost when money matters get complicated.

Money is an odd topic for me. I have a visceral dislike of the entire concept. Weird, right? It’s such a necessary thing in the world. Having money is a good thing. Why would it make me arch my back and bare my teeth? A large part of the problem is that I just don’t get it. I know I’m a smart person, able to grasp a lot of complex concepts. And yet, somehow, money concepts elude my grasp. Interest? Stocks and bonds? This whole financial crisis that’s going on? That whooshing sound is those things flying over my head. It’s a frustrating feeling!

I do understand enough to get by. How much money I have in the bank — that’s easy. Credit cards? I try not to use them, but when I do I get that I need to pay them off the amount. I have my bills, including student loan payments, automatically withdrawn from my checking account so I don’t have to worry. I can even put together a budget!

Working from said budget, though, that’s a harder thing. I’ve been trying to do that this summer. My goal is to be able to save money each month, then turn around and use that money to pay down my student loans. If I can pay just a few hundred dollars more each month, I can pay off the loans many years earlier than if I only pay the minimum. That’s motivation! It’s harder than I expected, though. I spend more on non-essentials every month than I knew. Entertainment, restaurants, cash, miscellaneous purchases — they all add up, and quickly. Saving even an extra hundred a month requires curbing my impulse spending more than I realized it would. It’s an interesting exercise. Which is more important to me: instant gratification (buying that DVD set) or long-term payoffs? Obviously the latter should be — but it’s hard to keep my eye on that!

Looking farther ahead is even more challenging. I’m 27 years old; retirement is a long time away! And yet, I know I have to save for it. I am, amazingly enough. I have a 401k through work, and I also have some money invested separately. The latter took me a long time to finally set up; I had the money waiting to be invested, I just had no clue what to do with it. I was so intimidated by just the investment company’s website that I was paralyzed. I finally called my dad, who is my financial guru — he knows this stuff, and he enjoys it. He walked me through what I needed to do with my money, just like he’d helped me with my 401k. I don’t know what I’d have done without his help. I seriously wasn’t capable of figuring it out on my own. That’s not a good feeling.

I know there are financial management classes out there for people like me. Something like that should probably be required in high school or college, so that we don’t get out into the real world without some of that vital knowledge. On the other hand, it’s hard to care or even truly grasp some things until you’re faced with them in reality. But then what do you do, if you’re not prepared? I’m lucky to have my dad around to ask for help; not everyone has that kind of support. I don’t know — maybe the lack of good education on finances is part of why we’re having so many financial troubles as a society these days. I can’t speak to that. All I can do is work on is my own issues with the subject. I’ll leave the rest to the experts.

Raven’s Shadow

I mentioned last week that I have four novels in progress. Most of them have been set aside — for now — while I work on the one that’s currently most vivid in my mind.

That novel is called Raven’s Shadow. It’s about a vigilante struggling with loneliness while she fights for her city. She takes in a roommate and gets more than she expected. At the same time, she comes up against a foe whose goals are the same as hers — to protect the city from criminals and corruption — but whose methods are far more ruthless.

Raven’s Shadow is a superhero love story. Allison is the Raven, a mask- and armor-wearing vigilante. A superhero without powers — she’s far more on the Batman side of things, though less brooding. She took up the mask after her school was destroyed by a villain her senior year of high school. The cops couldn’t do anything to stop it, and they stalled out on finding the guy who’d done it. Allison took matters into her own hands. She took the name Raven to honor her fallen classmates, and hunted out the man who committed their mass murder. When that was done, she kept the name and continued to fight for her city.

The novel begins several years after Raven starts protecting Cedarville. At this point, Allison is largely alone. She has a day job at the martial arts academy where she trains. She has a couple of friends, both in and out of costume — but no one who knows her as both Allison and the Raven. There’s no one at home with her now, either, in the house where she grew up. She’s lonely. At the recommendation of a coworker, she puts out an ad for a roommate-slash-housekeeper — someone who’d be another voice in the house, who preferably would also do the chores that Allison generally neglected.

Enter Lia, a work-from-home graphic designer. She’s looking for a new place to live, since her current roommate is about to get married. Allison’s roommate ad is a dream come true — she wouldn’t have to pay rent, just clean and cook and do the grocery shopping. Easy. The “discretion required” clause could be a red flag, but she’s willing to give it a try anyway. She’s not the type to go digging into someone else’s secrets; she has her own baggage, after all.

As the case Raven is investigating heats up, Lia begins to support her in ways she never expected. She didn’t put out the roommate ad looking for love, but she just might find it with Lia — if they can survive the trickery and mayhem coming their way.

I’m a little more than 16K words into the novel, and I’m really enjoying it so far. I don’t have a solid outline, just a general idea of what’s coming and when. The relationship arc is far more defined in my head than the mystery/action plot — I’m discovering a lot of that as I go! I’m excited to see what turns up.

Chronic, Serial Project-Starting

I have a confession: I am a serial project-starter.

Just a few examples:

• I have four novels and one screenplay in progress, and countless shorter stories begun and left to languish unfinished.
• I’ve started Project 365 at least three times.
• I’m on my second “101 things in 1001 days” list.
• I have in my craft room supplies for: knitting, cross-stitching, sewing, jewelry-making, and scrapbooking; I have touched none of them in months.
• I have an Xbox 360, Wii, and Playstation 2, and I have never finished a game on any of them.
• I started this blog in 2009, posted regularly for a couple of months, and then stopped altogether. I’ve tried a few times to get back into it, unsuccessfully. This is just my latest attempt to get it started back up.

So… What’s up with that?

Quite simply, I love the thrill of a new endeavor. I love the novelty of doing something different. What could be better? I’m expanding my horizons! I jump into a new thing enthusiastically. Part of the fun is thinking about it, planning, daydreaming. A new project, whatever it is, generates grand plans and dreams. I could create beautiful jewelry/purses/dresses! I could sell them on etsy! I can become a famous author and quit my day job! I could… you get the idea, right?

That’s not all of it, thankfully; if it was just the fantasy, why start at all? No, as much or more than that, it’s the joy of learning a new skill. You start to see things differently. When I began sewing, I found myself investigating the seams of my clothes — oh, that’s how that goes together!. You find out details of things you never even wondered about before, like the hardness of different metals or how they get different colors of aluminum or copper. Writing or playing video games, you get wrapped into a new story, with characters and adventures that are shiny and unknown and exciting. It’s all such a thrill!

Inevitably, though, my interest in a project or hobby eventually wanes. The novelty wears off. I get discouraged, or distracted by another new thing, or overwhelmed by all of my options. (Should I write tonight or sew or work on that bracelet? Maybe I’ll just watch TV.) Whatever the particular reasons, I set things aside, always promising myself I’ll go back to them.

Knowing my history, what should I do when a new project catches my eye? I struggle with that. If I’m just going to give it up in a few months, is it worth getting into? Shouldn’t I go back to one of the things I’ve set aside rather than getting into something new? After all, I’ve already spent time and money on those. I don’t want that to go to waste. Those things weigh on me; I feel a niggling guilt, the shadow of things left undone. And yet, I crave the new…

The way I see it, I have three choices:

1) Continue the way I have, picking up and setting aside projects and hobbies as they catch and lose my fancy, continuing to feel guilty about the things left undone.

2) Stop picking up new things and try to go back to finish past projects. Resisting the lure of the New is hard, though, and the old doesn’t hold my attention; will I get anything done at all, or just feel even more guilty?

3) Let go of the past. Continue picking things up new things, but when I set something aside, let it go. Be grateful for the time spent, the joy felt, and the new skills and knowledge obtained. Give myself permission to be done, even if I’m not finished. That’s not to say I could never go back to those things — when I want to. But I wouldn’t feel pressure to force myself back to things that aren’t calling to me.

What do you think? Should I try to change my mindset towards my serial project-starting? Or should I put more effort into going back to finish those past projects?

The wonder of family

One of the best things in my life is my family. They support me through everything. I’m a single, young, female professional, living on my own in Houston. Being the independent type, I didn’t hesitate to move halfway across the country during and after college. I wanted to work for NASA, and when that job came my way, I wasn’t about to let the distance and potential solitude stand in my way! It helped, though, that I knew that no matter the distance, my family would always support me. My mom and stepfather wound up moving from Florida to Austin, Texas, shortly after I came to Houston full time; they’re now close enough for me to see once a month or so. Even if they’d stayed in Florida, though, I know we’d have stayed close, emotionally. That’s the kind of family we have.

When I was a kid, it was just Mom, my sister, and me. We lived in the woods in northern Virginia, just the three of us, and we had a great time. I remember curling up on the couch, Mom reading to us by candle and fire light during a snow storm. I remember laughter and joy and easy weekend mornings. It wasn’t all shiny, but overall it was very good. Things naturally changed when we moved to Florida; things got harder as my sister and I grew up. We added Michael, my now-stepfather, to our family — that was an adjustment, but he soon became as important to me as the others. There were troubled times during teenage years, but no matter how bad things got, we were all still family.

You’d think, as I went off to college and my sister moved up to Ohio, that we’d grow apart. As we kids grew into adults, though, we were able to shake off the troubled teenage years and grow together despite the miles. My sister and I now keep in touch better than ever through the wonders of the internet and cell phones (texting is such a great invention). I know that when I need her, she’s got my back.

I’m pondering the wonders of family now because my mom came to visit me this weekend. I’d given her a couple big revelations about myself to chew over in the last couple of years, and she was finally ready to talk about them. I’d been nervous and stressed going into the weekend, not knowing how things would turn out. It was an uncomfortable feeling — this new idea that something could drive a wall between my mother and me. She truly is my biggest support structure; what would I do if I lost that? Thankfully I didn’t have to find out. Mom and I spent the weekend talking. Just talking — no high emotional drama, just some good, deep conversations about life. I found out what’s on her mind, and she found out what’s on mine. We both came away from it feeling a lot better about things. I can’t express how grateful I am for that. We might not agree on everything, but in the long run that doesn’t matter. What matters is that she supports me, no matter what.

Life is never easy. There are ups and downs and sharp curves in the road that leave you white-knuckled on the steering wheel. It’s important to have a good support structure. Family, friends, coworkers, a church group, a knitting group… Whoever loves you and supports you, whether they’re near or far — cherish them. Lean on them when you need to. That’s what they’re there for. And nothing can replace that.

Steps into the future

#Reverb10, Day 13: Action.

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

One of my biggest revelations of this year was that I want to retire to the country. I want a house, open land, rolling countryside, and maybe a horse or two. “Retire,” in this case, might mean at typical retirement age… or it might mean after I’ve published a couple of novels and saved up enough money that I can support myself without having a desk job.

I read a quote recently that really stuck with me: “A goal without a plan is just a dream.” (Google tells me the original quote may use “wish” instead of “dream”; however, this is how I first saw it.)

I don’t want to just dream about living in the country. I want to get there. I don’t want it to just be a wish, I don’t want to it to be an “if only…” I want to actually do it. So — I need a plan.

The steps I need to take in 2011 are these:

1) Money. Earlier this year, I got some inheritance money. I shoved a little less than half of it into an account and promptly ignored it. I need to invest that money and do whatever I need to do to get the account fully set up. (I hate to admit it, but it’s been months that I’ve been sitting on this. I have a mental block when it comes to money.) I’m not good at saving money, but with that in an account I can’t touch, it’ll be a little easier.

2) Writing. I have first drafts of three novels in various stages of completion, all started for NaNoWriMo over the last few years. My goal in the first half of 2011 is to get at least one full draft completed. Once I’ve done that, I can start editing. I want to have a novel in hand that I’m ready to query (find an agent for) by sometime in 2012 or 2013.

I know that even if I manage to get a book published, I won’t be able to live off of it. I know even if I get a few books published, I won’t necessarily be able to live off of them. Hence the saving, for one thing. I’m not looking to get rich, and if I have to continue doing something else — part time work of some sort — that’s fine, too. That’s down the road, though. Right now, I’ll focus on the next steps, and see where they take me.

Differences

#Reverb10, Day 8: Beautifully Different.

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

I’ve actually touched on this recently, elsewhere, but more thinking about it is never bad.

Different. I am that. Physically: I’m tall and skinny, with frizzy/curly hair that’s never been dyed or highlighted. I don’t dress fashionably, pluck my eyebrows, or wear makeup other than foundation and unobtrusive lipstick. I slump a bit, I walk a little strangely. Moving past the purely physical: I’m a picky eater. I’m a geek. I’m shy and a bit socially awkward. I’m not a cynic. I don’t drink or do drugs or see any point in either. I think the best social night involves a couple close friends, a lot of laughter, and maybe one of my favorite TV shows. And so on.

I have a tendency to want to hide the things that make me different. Turns out, though, that sometimes they’re not such bad things. I like myself, for one thing. For another, like the prompt says, I know that what makes me different can also be what people like about me. As my sister has said to me — I’m goofy. I should embrace that. I have more fun when I do. It also lets people know me, not just the somewhat boring face I put towards the world. So what if “most” people don’t like to spend their time writing or watching scifi TV shows? I enjoy it. And it turns out there are plenty of people who enjoy the same things; I just might not find that out unless I say something first.

So, different — that’s okay. Or at least, I’m working on that being okay.

Out where I feel alive

#Reverb10, Day 3: Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

This kind of question is usually really hard for me to answer. I have trouble calling up memories on command, especially with a qualitative or comparative criteria — best, worst, favorite, or, in this case, “a moment when you…” Surprisingly enough, this time, I actually have an answer close at hand!

I went on a trip to Utah with my family a couple months ago. We stayed at campgrounds in a pop-out trailer. We had essential amenities: bathrooms, hot showers, a kitchenette, heat and air conditioning, and wifi. (Computers and internet access are necessities of modern life.) We had all of those things, so maybe we weren’t exactly roughing it, but the change in life from what I was used to every day was still huge.

Outside our camper in the first campsite, red mountains rose into a brilliant blue sky. The air was cold and crisp, even in October — it was still summer when I flew out of Texas! There was gravel under my feet, or grass that I’m sure had to be watered as often as possible to keep alive. I could hear the wind rustle the leaves on the trees lining the campground; I could hear a few other people here and there, talking and laughing and moving around; I could hear birds and just the occasional car driving by. There was no hum of machinery, no radio, no television, no tapping at keyboards or talking about work. It was largely quiet. The change in altitude had made me a little dizzy, but I knew I’d get over it. It was a small price to pay for the beauty and serenity of the world I’d entered.

It wasn’t just that moment, standing outside our camper on that first morning. It was the whole trip. On a normal day in my normal life, I’m conscious of being at least a little tired most of the time. On that trip, if I was tired, it was because I’d earned it. If I had to pick another moment, it would be one of the hikes we took — to Hickman Bridge one day, in the sunlight, climbing up the trail and down into a gorge. Getting out, getting moving, seeing sights I’d never seen before — it was absolutely amazing. All of it was.

That trip was such a wonderful experience for me. I want to do more like that. I want to get out. Explore. Be in nature. I can’t imagine anything better.

Reverb10 – Writing

Day 2: Writing

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

The biggest thing is poor time management. That is, wasting time. Things like mindlessly and endlessly refreshing my favorite websites, or watching whatever happens to be on HGTV or USA. While chill time is definitely necessary, there’s a real difference between mindfully relaxing and killing time. I know I’m not exactly unique in this problem! I did a pretty good job of focusing on writing during NaNo, though, so I know I do have the capacity to waste less time than I usually do. I really want to keep that going.

The other thing, if I can get a little more abstract, is not paying attention. A good writer is supposed to use her experiences and knowledge of the world, right? I’m not all that good at experiencing the world. I don’t pay all that much attention to what goes on around me, and I certainly don’t seek out experiences outside my comfort zone. How is my writing supposed to be rich and insightful, or at least engaging and entertaining, if I don’t have a breadth of experience and understanding to put into it? I’d like to say I plan to get out and experience more this year, but I’m pretty sure I say that every year. While I do hope it will be true for 2011, maybe the most I can promise myself is to pay more attention in the situations I’m already in. It’s a step.

Reverb10

I saw a friend mention Reverb10 and decided to check it out. It’s a project all about reflecting on the year that we just had and looking ahead to the next one. They’re providing a prompt each day for people to write and reflect on. I liked the first prompt so much I decided to join! I look forward to seeing what other prompts we get throughout the month.

Day 1: One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

My first thought for 2010 was chaos. More accurate, though, is uncertainty. In January, it seemed like it would be a fairly unexceptional year. In February, the Constellation program was canceled, and suddenly everything was uncertain. Along with everyone else associated with that part of the space program, I went from being certain of my job situation (for the next 3-5 years) to worrying about it every day. We didn’t know if we were supposed to keep working. We didn’t know if our projects were going to come to a screeching halt today, tomorrow, a week from now, a month… That uncertainty, that fear, lasted for most of the year. It colored everything. Things have settled down, now, at least somewhat; decisions were made that gave us a path ahead.

For 2011… It’s hard, because I know how hard it is to predict what will happen; just look at this year. But ideally, I think what I want is progress. That doesn’t sound quite right, but it’s the closest I can get. The dictionary definition of “progress” is a forward or onward movement (as to an objective or to a goal). That’s what I want. Personally, psychologically, professionally, and with my writing, I’d like to be ahead of where I am now. I’m not shooting for the stars or a drastic life change. Instead, I need to set reasonable goals and make plans for how to get there.